I don't really know where to start with this post... so I guess I should start with a little preface. October and November of this school year were complete hell for me - academically, emotionally, spiritually - basically in all areas of my life. I won't go into all the details, but suffice it to say, it was bad. And I dealt with the crappiness of it all by becoming more cynical, sarcastic, and judgmental.
Things started getting better in December, which I can partially contribute to not being as overwhelmed in school. I felt like I was starting to get back on my feet again and my outlook on like was becoming more positive.
Needless to say, one of my friends didn't seem to notice the upswing and said some very hurtful things at the beginning of January. I'm sure they don't realize how hurtful their words were, or how I've been reading into all of our interactions (or interaction within our group of friends) since then... but it's been very hard for me to engage with the group since then.
I resorted to one of my coping mechanisms from college (which is good academically but not socially) - I withdrew more deeply into my studies. I maintained contact and still tried to be there for my friends. But I spent more time alone, or talking to my mom and roommate.
Over the past month I've started to become a little bitter towards this one person, who seemly throws another jab my way at any point they can. Maybe I'm reading into things, but they've given me no reason not to up to this point in time.
Yesterday while I was driving my to my apartment from home I wasn't feeling the radio and I remembered that I still had half of a sermon left to listen to in my iTunes. So, I plugged in the head phones and started listening.
For those of you who are Christians you can probably relate to the next part (and those who are not, have probably had similar episodes of serendipity), but as I listened to the message it seemed as if it was directed to this very situation. The timing of it all was too perfect.
The message came from the young adult ministry at my church (which meets on Sunday nights). I haven't been able to attend since the summer, but keep meaning to go, and will probably continue to try to no avail (but that's not the point of this story). The message called "Forgiven" was on the life of Stephen (Acts 6-7).
For those of you unfamiliar with the story, Stephen was one of the early followers of Christ. Because he was proclaiming Christ as truth the Jewish leaders of the day claimed that he had committed blasphemy (basically meaning that he was being completely disrespectful to God). They brought him before the Jewish counsel on false charges, and then the counsel decided that he deserved death by stoning.
According to the message, when someone was stoned their arms were tied behind their backs and they stood on an edge of a pit. The first accuser would push the person back into the pit. If they didn't die from that, they would watch as the second accuser began to throw large rocks down at them, aiming for the heart.
Now, for Stephen this meant looking up at people who were trying to get rid of him out of spite and anger... not because they thought he was truly guilty. And as they were stoning him, Stephen asked God to forgive his accusers.
This is a parallel to what we see in the story of Christ's death. He stood before the people as they threw false testimony about him to the counsel and he then asked that God forgive them as they crucified him (for they didn't understand what they were doing). Christ's life helped to write Stephen's life.
Now, I'm not saying that everything my friend said about me was false... some of it was true. However, it was said in a very hurtful manner and actions since that time have seemed to be like small stones that are continuing to be thrown.
The message, however, said it right when it said we don't need an apology, we just need to forgive and not become bitter. Stephen never got an apology. And the fact that he asked God to forgive his accusers means that he himself had to have already forgiven them.
I am not saying that forgiveness is easy either. It's a slow road, and one with continual check points and obstacles. But it's a journey that we must embark on. As a Christian, a road I'm called to take.
So, as the message challenged: I'm going to let Stephen's life help write my life...
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